excuses

A funny thing: once I left my job to sew full time, I stopped sewing as much outside of classes. It's definitely not because it's no longer fun, or because I have everything I want and need in my closet. It's more that I'm overwhelmed by everything I could be doing, and I basically freeze up.

Sometimes I have homework or projects that I know I should work on, so I can meet deadlines or make forward progress in the class before I move away. But then I find myself tired after a long day in class or getting caught up in one class, and I don't have the brainpower to spend my night doing more work. So instead of sewing, I sit on the couch staring at my phone or watching dumb TV, even though sewing something simple would be just as relaxing (probably more so).

Other times, I have a project that I promised myself or someone else I would work on, but I find it daunting and avoid it for days or weeks (exhibit A: a self-drafted saddlebag purse for my sister). In the meantime, I don't let myself work on something more fun because I feel guilty. This is ridiculous, especially since the daunting thing usually ends up taking far less time than I spent avoiding it.

And the real big one that's gotten me so many times since I started learning to draft my own patterns: "Well, I could sew this perfectly fine pattern I saw online. OR I could wait a few days/weeks/months until I know how to draft it myself and find the time to do so, and just create exactly what I want precisely for my body". I go on to convince myself that this will actually save time, because the time spent drafting will be made up for when I avoid having to make lots of fit adjustments on a pattern made for another person's measurements. This may or may not be true. But it is certainly much faster to order and/or print off a pattern than to wait until I learn to draft sleeves, or bras, or whatever. EXCUSES.

So. I'm determined to pull myself out of this rut, stop making excuses, and just make some damn things. I'm realizing that the energy I spend sewing someone else's pattern, with thorough instructions and no drafting for me to do whatsoever, is not interchangeable with the energy I use to design, draft, and construct my own creation. And honestly, I really miss sewing things just for fun.

I'm also setting a rule that I have to have a non-school sewing WIP at all times. I have a lot of trouble starting something new, but once I'm in the middle it's so much easier to pick it up in the evening and work on it in spurts. Then, before I know it, it's done.

After far too much procrastination on my Kelly Anorak (and some brief printing and fabric drama in the middle there - ugh), I'm starting that again tonight and am determined to actually finish before the end of January! I also ordered a ton of bra-making supplies from Tailor Made (omg!) and want to at least make another Harriet soon, after my bra-making success at sewing camp in October, and hopefully also some soft cup bras for weekend wear. This is me attempting to hold myself accountable. We'll see how it goes!